A Letter To My Other Son...

To my son whom I did not raise....

You were my little boy.

You followed me around the house and called me "Mommy". 

You loved helping me in the kitchen - making daddy a cake was your favorite; you loved licking the spatula. 

You loved going to the park and feeding the ducks.

 You loved smashing ants on the sidewalk with your plastic hammer. 

You loved the attention that your Uncle Marlan, Aunt Marla, and Aunt Rachel gave you... and wanted them to carry you everywhere!

 You loved going fishing with daddy, and had your very own fishing pole.

You loved wearing daddy's hat.

 You loved your baby sister, and would call her "baby face" because you could not pronounce her name (Faith).

You loved to play the keyboard; I have a picture of you when you fell asleep while playing it.

You would watch me get ready in the mornings and would say "You pretty, Mommy". 

You loved making forts with pillows and blankets in the living room.

You loved our pet rabbit, "Bunners". 

 You loved going to G'pa Smith's to feed the cows.

You loved watching the fish swim in your fish tank, and would tell them good night before you went to bed. They all had special names.

You loved riding in the wagon we bought you for your 1st Christmas.

You loved picnics and camping. 

You loved playing with your train set. And when the batteries needed replaced, you'd say "Me fix it Mommy!"

 You loved going to G'ma Keihl's house to eat fried potatoes.

 You loved G'pa Stump's Shaklee energy bars, and jumping on his rebounder!

You loved the cards and stickers that G'ma Frick used to send to you, in the mail.

Wesley, Nathaniel, and Faith, were your favorite friends.

 You loved going to see daddy at work. And riding in his delivery truck.

You loved taking walks with me, and watching the squirrels in the yard. You always wanted to hold my hand.

We got you on weekends, for holidays, for your birthday, for daddy's birthday, for spring, summer, and fall vacation, and sometimes on weekdays. But we wanted you more.

 You would cry and cling to your dad and I when we would take you back to the visitation house. It broke my heart everytime we took you back.

I did not know that the last time I had you, would be the last. 

I trust that someday you'll know the truth.

 That I tried to see you. That I wanted the best for you. That I was so proud of you. That I was happy to be your mom. That I cried for you often. That I missed you more than anyone will ever know. That I celebrate your birthday every year. That I prayed for you. That you were worth it all. That you were my son. That I have never, and will never forget you. That I loved you. 

Joshua Eldean, you will always be my first little boy. You are my child, in my heart. I wish you all the best, and I pray God will bless your life, as you have blessed mine. 

You may be all grown up now, but to me, you will always be, my son.

Love your other mom,

         -Rhoda

My song for Joshua.... I will always be your mom - by Amite Zimmermann

Note* Joshua was my stepson with my first husband. I met him when he was 6 months old. He was 5 years old the last time I had him. He is now 18 and a handsome young man.