35 Things I've Learned In 35 Years
Today, I turn 35 years old. I'm not one to make a big deal about my birthday, but, the older I get, the more I reflect on my life. So, I thought I’d share some lessons I’ve learned...
1. Say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it. Open your heart. Life is amazing if you don’t shut it out. Be willing to take the wounds that come with an open heart, but know when to walk away. Know who your people are and you will experience the best of life.
2. Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc. Mindless shopping is unhealthy, and useless. Live a clutter free life.
3. Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace. Savor life. Not just the usual pleasures, but everything and everyone. The stranger you meet on the bus. The sunshine that hits your face as you walk. The quiet of the morning. Time with a loved one. Time alone. Your breath as you meditate.
4. All you need to be happy is within you. Many people seek happiness in food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, partying, sex … because they’re seeking external happiness. They don’t realize the tools for happiness aren’t outside them. They’re right inside you: mindfulness, gratitude, compassion, thoughtfulness, the ability to create and do something meaningful, even in a small way. You need no one else to make you happy or validate you. You don’t need a boss to tell you that you’re great at what you do. You don’t need a boyfriend/girlfriend to tell you that you’re lovable. You don’t need your friends’ approval. Know who you are.
5. The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation. Make a habit asking yourself ‘why’ you do things and make sure you’re happy with the answers. If not, rethink your choices.
6. Never stop learning. If you just learn something a little a day, it will add up over time immensely. Teachers are everywhere, if you’re willing to learn. You’re never too old to learn something new or to dream a bit bigger.
7. Live well below your means. Don’t go into debt. That includes credit card debt, student debt, home debt, personal loans, auto loans. We think they’re necessary but they’re not, at all. They cause more headaches than they’re worth, they can ruin lives, and they cost us way more than we get. Debt is serious business. Spend 30% less than you earn. Don’t spend it if you don’t have it. Learn to go without, and be happy with less.
8. You are good enough — learn that and you won’t be afraid of new things, won’t be afraid to fail, won’t need the approval of others. You’ll be pre-approved — by yourself. I'm not cool, and I’m cool with that. I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. Just be yourself.
9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous. Thank you Shaklee!
10. Start now. Whatever it is, you will always wish you started earlier. “Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.” – Earl Nightingale
11. Quality over quantity. Apply this to your closet, your friends and your groceries. On beauty and style: work with what you have. It’s far easier to work with what nature gave you than to try and change what you don’t like about yourself.
12. If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way. They don’t know where they’re going either. If you compromise on your core values you’ll never feel true to yourself.
13. You will miss a ton, but that’s OK. We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important … that we forget the simple fact that we cannot experience everything. The secret is: life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.
14. Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. They are some of the best teachers. Instead, learn to be OK with mistakes, and learn to learn from them, and learn to shrug them off so they don’t affect your profound confidence in who you are.
15. Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear. Define your own version of success.
16. Rest is more important than you think. People work too hard, forget to rest, and then begin to hate their jobs. People try to do too much because they don’t know that rest is where their body gets stronger, after the stress.
17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
18. Fitness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, a learning process, something that happens in little bits over a long period. It’s a great journey. Fitness looks different for different people. Find your own kind of fitness.
19. The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination. Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them.
20. A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear.
21. Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.
22. Give with no expectation of getting something in return, and it becomes a purer, more beautiful act.
23. Change is the one constant in life. You will suffer by trying to hold onto things. Learn to let go, and learn to have a flexible mind. Don’t get stuck in what you’re comfortable with, don’t shut out what’s new and uncomfortable. The hardest part of changing your life is finding the courage to make the decision.
24. Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for the amazing gifts you’ve been given: of loved ones and simple pleasures, of health and sight and the gift of music and books, of nature and beauty and the ability to create, and everything in between. Be grateful every day.
25. Create. The world is full of distractions, but very few are as important as creating. In my life, creating is one of the few things that has given me meaning. When it’s time to work, clear away all else and create. You don’t have to be an ‘artist’ to create art. You don’t have to be a ‘runner’ to run. You don’t have to be a ‘writer’ to write. Forget labels and do what you love.
26. Get some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the larger picture, this one problem means almost nothing. This fight we’re having with someone else — it’s over something that matters little. Let it go, and move on.
27. Don’t sit too much. It kills you. Move, dance, run, play. Have fun being active. Sure, there’s lots of fun to be had online, and in eating sweets and fried food, and in watching TV and movies and playing video games. But going outside and playing with friends, tossing a ball around, swimming, climbing something, challenging each other … that’s even more fun. And it leads to a healthy life, healthy heart, more focused and energetic mind.
28. Use the magic of compound interest. Invest early, and it will grow as if by alchemy. Live on little, don’t get into debt, save all you can, and invest it in mutual funds. Watch your money grow.
29. All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it. More often than nought, you'll find the worldview is wrong.
30. Learn compassion. Learn the art of empathy. Too often we judge people on too little information. We must try to understand what they do instead, put ourselves in their shoes, start with the assumption that what others do has a good reason if we understand what they’re going through. Life becomes much better if you learn this art. You can disagree with someone’s opinions, but still love and respect them as a person. Agree to disagree.
31. Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.
32. No one knows what they’re doing as parents. We’re all faking it, and hoping we’re getting it right. Some people obsess about the details, and miss out on the fun. I just try not to mess them up too much, to show them they’re loved, to enjoy the moments I can with them, to show them life is fun, and stay out of the way of them becoming the amazing people they’re going to become. That they already are.
33. Love comes in many flavors. I love my husband and children, completely and more than I can ever fully understand. I love them each in a different way, and know that each is perfect in his or her own way. Don't be afraid to love in your own way.
34. Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think. Your kids grow up so fast you get whiplash. You get gray hairs before you’re done getting your bearings on life. Appreciate every damn moment.
35. Never be ashamed of who you are and how you choose to live your life. Don't apologize for how you live. Learn to say no. Follow your fear and leave your comfort zone.
*this blog post was adapted and edited from Zen Habits to reflect my own thoughts and ideas.
1. Say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it. Open your heart. Life is amazing if you don’t shut it out. Be willing to take the wounds that come with an open heart, but know when to walk away. Know who your people are and you will experience the best of life.
2. Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc. Mindless shopping is unhealthy, and useless. Live a clutter free life.
3. Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace. Savor life. Not just the usual pleasures, but everything and everyone. The stranger you meet on the bus. The sunshine that hits your face as you walk. The quiet of the morning. Time with a loved one. Time alone. Your breath as you meditate.
4. All you need to be happy is within you. Many people seek happiness in food, drugs, alcohol, shopping, partying, sex … because they’re seeking external happiness. They don’t realize the tools for happiness aren’t outside them. They’re right inside you: mindfulness, gratitude, compassion, thoughtfulness, the ability to create and do something meaningful, even in a small way. You need no one else to make you happy or validate you. You don’t need a boss to tell you that you’re great at what you do. You don’t need a boyfriend/girlfriend to tell you that you’re lovable. You don’t need your friends’ approval. Know who you are.
5. The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation. Make a habit asking yourself ‘why’ you do things and make sure you’re happy with the answers. If not, rethink your choices.
6. Never stop learning. If you just learn something a little a day, it will add up over time immensely. Teachers are everywhere, if you’re willing to learn. You’re never too old to learn something new or to dream a bit bigger.
7. Live well below your means. Don’t go into debt. That includes credit card debt, student debt, home debt, personal loans, auto loans. We think they’re necessary but they’re not, at all. They cause more headaches than they’re worth, they can ruin lives, and they cost us way more than we get. Debt is serious business. Spend 30% less than you earn. Don’t spend it if you don’t have it. Learn to go without, and be happy with less.
8. You are good enough — learn that and you won’t be afraid of new things, won’t be afraid to fail, won’t need the approval of others. You’ll be pre-approved — by yourself. I'm not cool, and I’m cool with that. I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. Just be yourself.
9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous. Thank you Shaklee!
10. Start now. Whatever it is, you will always wish you started earlier. “Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.” – Earl Nightingale
11. Quality over quantity. Apply this to your closet, your friends and your groceries. On beauty and style: work with what you have. It’s far easier to work with what nature gave you than to try and change what you don’t like about yourself.
12. If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way. They don’t know where they’re going either. If you compromise on your core values you’ll never feel true to yourself.
13. You will miss a ton, but that’s OK. We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important … that we forget the simple fact that we cannot experience everything. The secret is: life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.
14. Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. They are some of the best teachers. Instead, learn to be OK with mistakes, and learn to learn from them, and learn to shrug them off so they don’t affect your profound confidence in who you are.
15. Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear. Define your own version of success.
16. Rest is more important than you think. People work too hard, forget to rest, and then begin to hate their jobs. People try to do too much because they don’t know that rest is where their body gets stronger, after the stress.
17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
18. Fitness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, a learning process, something that happens in little bits over a long period. It’s a great journey. Fitness looks different for different people. Find your own kind of fitness.
19. The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination. Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them.
20. A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear.
21. Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.
22. Give with no expectation of getting something in return, and it becomes a purer, more beautiful act.
23. Change is the one constant in life. You will suffer by trying to hold onto things. Learn to let go, and learn to have a flexible mind. Don’t get stuck in what you’re comfortable with, don’t shut out what’s new and uncomfortable. The hardest part of changing your life is finding the courage to make the decision.
24. Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for the amazing gifts you’ve been given: of loved ones and simple pleasures, of health and sight and the gift of music and books, of nature and beauty and the ability to create, and everything in between. Be grateful every day.
25. Create. The world is full of distractions, but very few are as important as creating. In my life, creating is one of the few things that has given me meaning. When it’s time to work, clear away all else and create. You don’t have to be an ‘artist’ to create art. You don’t have to be a ‘runner’ to run. You don’t have to be a ‘writer’ to write. Forget labels and do what you love.
26. Get some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the larger picture, this one problem means almost nothing. This fight we’re having with someone else — it’s over something that matters little. Let it go, and move on.
27. Don’t sit too much. It kills you. Move, dance, run, play. Have fun being active. Sure, there’s lots of fun to be had online, and in eating sweets and fried food, and in watching TV and movies and playing video games. But going outside and playing with friends, tossing a ball around, swimming, climbing something, challenging each other … that’s even more fun. And it leads to a healthy life, healthy heart, more focused and energetic mind.
28. Use the magic of compound interest. Invest early, and it will grow as if by alchemy. Live on little, don’t get into debt, save all you can, and invest it in mutual funds. Watch your money grow.
29. All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it. More often than nought, you'll find the worldview is wrong.
30. Learn compassion. Learn the art of empathy. Too often we judge people on too little information. We must try to understand what they do instead, put ourselves in their shoes, start with the assumption that what others do has a good reason if we understand what they’re going through. Life becomes much better if you learn this art. You can disagree with someone’s opinions, but still love and respect them as a person. Agree to disagree.
31. Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.
32. No one knows what they’re doing as parents. We’re all faking it, and hoping we’re getting it right. Some people obsess about the details, and miss out on the fun. I just try not to mess them up too much, to show them they’re loved, to enjoy the moments I can with them, to show them life is fun, and stay out of the way of them becoming the amazing people they’re going to become. That they already are.
33. Love comes in many flavors. I love my husband and children, completely and more than I can ever fully understand. I love them each in a different way, and know that each is perfect in his or her own way. Don't be afraid to love in your own way.
34. Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think. Your kids grow up so fast you get whiplash. You get gray hairs before you’re done getting your bearings on life. Appreciate every damn moment.
35. Never be ashamed of who you are and how you choose to live your life. Don't apologize for how you live. Learn to say no. Follow your fear and leave your comfort zone.
*this blog post was adapted and edited from Zen Habits to reflect my own thoughts and ideas.
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