SRKindredSpirits

My Dads funeral was on a cold winter day.  The actual funeral service really didn't mean much to me. It seemed the preachers just talked about random stuff ( like sexual assault and how we shouldn't be cremated -it was weird). My mom made it very clear which kids she wanted with her and those of us that were not welcome....  Anyway, it was probably the weirdest funeral I've ever been too, and I've been to alot! (My ex husband and I used to manage a Cemetary and help at the funeral home, so I do know a bit about funerals.) But, when we got to the graveside, the most beautiful, big snowflakes were falling all around us. The little country Cemetary was covered in a white, fluffy, blanket of snow.. it felt like God made it perfect just for me!  The graveside service and story about my Dad, ment more to me than any other thing that was said during the funeral.  The following poem was read by my Dad's long time customer and preacher friend, at the graveside service.  ...

I absolutely hate the visitation line at viewings and funerals. No matter which side of the line I'm on. I hate standing there next to a deceased loved one for hours at a time. The loved one is gone, its just an empty shell (if you know anything at all about embalming/autopsies, you know that the body has been so mangled, glued, wired, sewn, painted, etc, its really not the same person at all.) I hate trying to come up with small talk with people, or trying to comfort them when I can’t even comfort myself. I hate having to endure people I barely know trying to “solve” my grief, as if some saying or cliché can take away the pain. I hate the awkward things people say, like, "oh, doesn't he/she look so good!" Excuse me. You don't look good when you're dead.... you just don't. (This is one of the reasons that I will not have a veiwing, an open casket, or a traditional funeral when its my time to go.) And most of all, I hate the cheap casket-side theology that...

I was by my Dad's beside when he died today.... Someone had said, that we should have prayed to God for a miracle so that my Dad would be healed completely here on earth..... But after talking with my sister about it... the way that I see it, my Dad's death was a miracle. It was a miracle that he lived for five months after his diagnosis, without standard treatment. It was a miracle that he was in his right mind up until the day that he died. It was a miracle that we had five good long months to talk with him, to be together, and to learn things about his life and spend time with him.  Dad and I just understood each other so much more... we just let the past go andade so many good memories.... just like the following song.  https://youtu.be/DTFbGcnl0po It was a miracle that he was pain-free the majority of the time.. It was a miricle that he was only in pain at the end. That he didn't have to suffer long. It was a miracle that we were able to be by his bedside when he passe...

Our oldest daughter moved out this month.... it really wasn't a surprise, I knew it was coming, and although I wanted her to wait for another few more months, I think deep down, I knew it was time. She is 19, has a full-time job at a busy Vet hospital, is enrolled in college, currently working towards a graphic design degree. She graduated school 2 years early, is a hard worker, a good employee, and managed to save a good sized nest egg. She has always paid for her own phone, insurance, and paid cash for her car, - and she did it all on her own.... she never got an allowance and we didn't spoil her with money or things. She worked hard to get where she is..... I'm proud of her.... And although I think I knew it was time she spread her own wings.... I had a tangled up mess of emotions. Somedays I would cry over everything. Somedays I was sad.... it was almost like all my dreams and plans that she and I had for years had died and were being buried. Sometimes I was angry.....

My dad was diagnosed as having Glioblastoma in September 2020. It is the fastest growing brain tumor there is.  Its hard to watch the dad I knew get weaker and weaker, but at the same time it has given us time to be together, time to talk, time to laugh, time to cry together, and time just to be.  He has told me more about his childhood, his teen years, his work, his marriage, church issues, and life decisions than I never dreamed of knowing. We have talked about our past relationship (or lack of it), our reasoning at the time, and what we wish we'd have done different. We have talked about Heaven and God and the Bible. We have talked about my cancer, my kids, my marriage, my life, and about dying.  We have shared secrets, some may be told after he's gone, but most of them I'll keep to myself and hold close to my heart....  We have our own little jokes about mom or my siblings or just people in general! Dad has a great sense of humor through all this and he makes me ...

There is always one day that is simply emotionally confusing for me and that is:  The Ex-Anniversary Date Twenty years have passed since the day I stood with my first husband Jim, in the basement of a courthouse in Athens, Georgia and said my wedding vows. And even though we’re divorced… and Jan 8th will come and go WITHOUT a 20th wedding anniversary… I will still celebrate it. I do every year. Our Wedding Day - Jan 8, 2001 I will celebrate the good memories, and the life we created while we were happy together. Because… there were a lot of good times. I will reflect on the sad time, the dashed hope's and dreams, the words left unsaid. And I'll wonder about the what- ifs.... it's all part of our story. Circumstances can never change the past. The only thing we can do is grow ourselves to change our view of the past. For me, this date is a reminder of my/our story. I have accepted the fact that I have no clue how to feel on this day. You'd think...

Happy 15th Anniversary to my ONE friend, my lover, and my hubby! I love you Stephen! "One Friend" I always thought you were the best I guess I always will I always felt that we were blessed And I feel that way still Sometimes we took the hard road But we always saw it through If I had only one friend left I'd want it to be you Sometimes the world was on our side Sometimes it wasn't fair Sometimes it gave a helping hand Sometimes we didn't care 'Cause when we were together It made the dream come true If I had only one friend left I'd want it to be you Someone who understands me And knows me inside out And helps keep me together And believes without a doubt That I could move a mountain Someone to tell it to If I had only one friend left I'd want it to be you Someone who understands me And knows me inside out And helps keep me together And believes without a doubt That I could move a mountain Someone to tell it to If I had only one friend left I'd wan...