SRKindredSpirits

I love my kids, but I hate being a mom. Mothers Day 2018 Now, before you get upset, please hear me out. None of my kids were planned, but they were all wanted, and they are all loved! I was seventeen when I got pregnant with my oldest... I spent the first six months of my pregnancy trying to hide it, and wishing that I wasn't pregnant. But, when the doctor put that beautiful baby girl in my arms... it was love instantly. Faith was my everything, my reason for living, and the sunshine of my day. Fast forward six years...  Funny story... One day, my hubby said, "Lets make a baby..." We did. He couldn't believe that it worked the on the first try.... and in 9 months our son Wyatt, was born. It was a hard pregnancy, and a very difficult, and long labor. He was a big boy with medical, and special needs from birth. But, I loved him. Three years later, our last daughter, Adilayia was born. There is no physical way that she should even exist, but I oft

As I sit here crying after spending all morning on the phone trying to get more help/services for my special needs son, I thought maybe I'd share a few thoughts.... If you think being a parent is hard, being a parent to a special needs kid is 100 times harder. We face huge challenges every single day. There are hard things about parenting kids with disabilities. I love my boy.... Special needs families are buried in paperwork because everything requires it. From our kid's IEPs, to medical documentation, to data collection, to applications for services, - the paperwork is never ending. We try not to compare, but sometimes it’s hard not to notice how different our kid is to their typical peers. We feel like we are not doing enough. Deep down we often wonder, am I really doing all I can do? Sometimes, we have an overwhelming feeling of failing at everything we do because we don’t have enough time or energy to do it all. We feel like we are failing with our k

They still love playing with legos.... On hard days, these thoughts often linger in my mind.... When it feels like I can't go on...When my head is throbbing with pain. When every breath is more painful than the last, and my heart is breaking into a million pieces. When my tears won't dry, and just keep falling.  I feel utterly helpless - there's nothing I can do. I used to believe in miracles, but I don't understand how God can be so cruel. I love these kids. Why them? Why me? Why this?  My one and only wish is that my kids could be normal. I hate seeing them suffer, not knowing what their future holds or the suffering they will have to endure. The only way I can made it through each day is to keep telling myself... There has to be a reason that God made my kids this way. I pray that someday God will use them in a big way to bring people to Him.   I have no idea why God chose me to be their mom, I lack in so many ways. But God knows I love them. So