Caring For Your Ex In A World Where Everyone Hates Their's

Caution: Unpopular Opinion Below!!!

Your former husband doesn't have to be your best pal, but thanks to a shared respect for each other, he can still be your friend.

I have never understood why people, when they hear you are divorced, automatically think that you hate your ex, or that you have horrible memories with your ex. Or that your ex is a horrible person... Why is this? If the couple loved each other at one time, why does the relationship have to weaken to the point of sheer hatred for the other?

Is it because we don't accept a reasonable difference of opinion? Is it because society says it's so? Is it because it so happens to comply with the universal law of nature? If you don't hate your ex, why are you still not with them!?! - more like a catch-22 kind of thing.

Every couple has their own relationship dance. All you have to do is change your part in the dance.

I know that most people are surprised when I speak of my ex-husband with real fondness. He was funny, kind, a hard worker, had a hard deal in life, and could be very entertaining. When my family and friends abandoned me, he was there for me. He was my closest friend for five years. We did everything together.

After the split, I never slandered or bad-mouthed him to others (though some unacceptable behavior did occur during our marriage). Don’t get me wrong: It wasn't always easy. He walked out on us, leaving me without electricity, with overdue bills, 2 months back rent to pay, a broken down car, and no job (I was a stay at home mom to a 2 yr old). And it took some time for me to forgive him.

One thing I've learned, is that some things just don't bother you as much as friends as it did as a married couple.

What I do know is that I still care about my ex, and instead of focusing on how it ended or why, the “what ifs” and who’s to blame, I choose to still love him. It’s easy to recall what we liked about each other and acknowledge the good times we had together.

Even though I have remarried, I will always want to be there to help take care of my first husband. I was partly responsible for our divorce (it takes two), and I promised to always love him, so I have chosen to continue to care for him. It's the right thing to do.

I feel like I'm missing a piece of my heart that he has, and no one will ever replace that.

Here's the thing... without what my ex and I experienced together, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. I’m simply saying that I still love him because he’s contributed so much to who I am. I can’t just erase what we had together and move on like it just didn’t matter.

Forming a relationship with your ex is entirely separate from the process of ending a marriage; The process that begins with anger and grieving eventually leads to healing, forgiveness, and insight -if you let it.

When you peel away what makes you a couple, what remains can make you friends. 

I want people to know that I don't hate my ex. Nor do I think of bad memories when I think of him. I will always consider my ex a part of my family and I hope he will always be my friend.

Research has shown that, no matter how bad things were in the marriage, ex-husbands miss their wives, and ex-wives miss their husbands. All married people will love their ex. Unless they never loved that person to begin with. A married person will continue to love his ex for as long as he or she will live.... they were and always will be a part of you.

I have been happily married to my second husband going on 13 yrs. He is everything I never knew I wanted and everything I need. My life is blessed because of him. I think having a partner who loves unconditionally, and is understanding, - is a very important piece to the puzzle that helps the relationship between my ex and I work.

And while my currant husband is my best friend, I still consider my ex husband, a friend too.