Living Three Different Lives

There are different seasons in every one's life.... but in my life, it is especially true. I'm thirty-five, but I've lived three different lives. 

In the first life....

I grew up conservative. I was the middle kid out of seven. We grew up on a farm and learned to work at a young age. We made our own clothes, as a girl, I was not allowed to wear pants, a watch, jewelry, or to get my hair cut. We did not have a TV. We were home schooled. For the most part, I had a great childhood. I loved going to the auction barn with dad, eating ice cream floats on the front porch after a hot day of baling hay, riding go carts, or playing in the playhouse. Having sleepovers with my best friend Carla, was my favorite. 

When I was 12, that all changed. My parents took us away from the church, friends, and family that we knew and loved. They joined a even more conservative church (cult) out of state. Life suddenly turned upside down. I hated my parents and their beliefs. I felt like they hated me too....

I ran away from home at the age of 13. I rode my bike over 30 miles south to my grandparents and aunt and uncles farm. I crisscrossed, back and forth, taking back roads, and going out of the way, that I knew my parents wouldn't look for me on. It took me over four hours. I lived with my aunt and uncle for a couple months, before being made to go back home. 

For the next couple years, living at home was a bit easier... I was allowed to go to the church I grew up in, and to be with my friends again.... honestly, I think my parents knew that if they didn't let me do as I wanted for the most part, I would run away again.... that, and the fact that my Grandpa stood up for me to them.

When I turned 16, my parents moved out of state to be closer to their church. I moved into my own apartment. I was working at Bob Evan's. I met a guy.... he made me feel loved....

After my friends, church, and family found out that he was divorced, no one would have anything to do with me. I was an outcast. I felt like I had no one, no one except for him. 

This started my second life.

Looking back, I really didn't know what I was getting into, I just knew that he was the only person that cared about me. We started living together, I got pregnant, he was in and out of jail, life was hard.

I found out he had at least three kids with three different woman, plus one with me. I was wife number 4. He owed a lot of money. He smoked and drank. We moved over 15 times in less than 5 years, often living without electricity, heat, a stove, and having no phone. We were homeless a couple times and moved in with his Grandma and a cousin in a 400 sq ft. house, sleeping on the floor. We also lived in a 150 sq ft. camper for 4 long months.

He was a good worker, he just had so many debts from his past, he was always 'robbing Peter to pay Paul' and it all caught up with him.... that and it didn't help that his last ex wife was taking him for over $70,000 in alimony in addition to child support.... her lawyer was a friend to the judge, she was a horrible woman. 

After 5 yrs of living without, him in jail, or on work release, lies, another woman, an order of protection, etc. our marriage couldn't take it.... we got a disillusion. We still loved each other, it just wasn't working anymore. In his defense, he had a hard life growing up. I really believe that he simply didn't know how to do right. And, when he did right, the wrongs of his past were always catching up to him. The poor guy could never get a break. He tried. He really did.

It wasn't all bad, we had a beautiful daughter together which gave me a reason for living. Having her was worth all the struggles.

During our marriage, I started going to a church, a real church with people who loved and cared for me...

Enter my third life....

I got saved. I had a job teaching at the church school. I made lasting friendships. I was in a good place in life.... finally knowing who I was and I was happy with my life. And then I met another man....

Mutual friends from church set us up on a blind date.... I can't say it was true love at first sight, but he respected me, and showed me and my little girl love, and I fell madly in love with him.

 We got married, moved to a different state, he adopted my daughter, and we had two more kids.... 

We live in the country on a beautiful 7 acres of land that has taken a lot of work... life hasn't always been easy- we had a lot of medical issues with our oldest daughter, our son is special needs, and had an emergency brain surgery a year ago. I have a non curable cancer, and a few different autoimmune diseases. There has been struggles, extended family betrayal, and lots of work on our property, but we still love each other, and have been married for 13 years so far.

Hubby has a good job. I am blessed to stay at home with the kids and have my own home business.

I never knew I could love someone the way that I love him. He is my lover in every form of the word.... my protector, the one I want to grow old with, and my best friend.

It's funny, those first two lives, seem like a distant dream.... almost surreal. I don't know what life holds for me in the future.... is this who I am, or in some turn of events, will I live another life? I guess I'll have to just wait and see.... check back with me in another 35 years or so to see how it all ends.

In case your wondering.... 

I do still speak to my parents. They moved back to the state I grew up in, and although it took them awhile, they accept my hubby as part of the family (even though I'll always be the black sheep). My extended family and church friends I grew up with are still very distant to me... they will be polite to my face for the most part, but I no longer consider them a part of my family.

As far as my ex husband goes, I still speak to him too and I'll always care about him. He had a hard deal in life, some was his fault, some was just what he was dealt.... he will always be a part of my family and if I had to do life all over again, I'd choose to go though the hard times again with him, as it made me who I am today.

Life has a funny way of taking us on a journey.... one, I never thought in my wildest dreams I'd ever be on, but then again that's LIFE!