Good, But Not Great

You know there's a lot of things that I'm good at, but not any one thing that I'm really great at....

Back in 2012, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that is cancerous - for which there is no cure. Since then, I often find myself thinking about the meaning of my life..... 

"What do I love, and what would I like to accomplish in my life......?"

That's a hard question.... 

I love to sing... and would love to sing lead or background in a band. But how in the world do you get discovered.... I actually auditioned for a small group in 2015, and was given the gig, but they were located a few hours away and I would have been away from my kids and hubby 3-4 days a week.... I just can't do that right now, my family is too important. 

I love plants and nature. I love making flower arrangements. (I have even though of opening my own florist shop...), but we live in the boonies and I would hate the tied down feeling of running a store with set hours.... I guess I'll keep fresh flowers on my table and make an arrangement here and there for a friend or party, as I'm asked.

I love to travel and enjoy long distant driving/traveling. I love looking at the different scenery. Staying in hotels don't even bother me - It's an adventure!

I love photography, especially of plants and nature. I have also taken graduation pictures and portraits. 

I love to eat good food. I can cook (pretty good, I might add...). I can garden and preserve food...... but I do that to feed my family, it's not a task I love to do, but it does give me satisfaction in caring for my kids and hubby... kinda like folding laundry, cleaning the house, washing dishes, and grocery shopping.

I have baked and decorated quite a few cakes in the last 20 yrs. You can see some of them here, and here, and here!

I enjoy some crafts, landscaping and home interior design. It is all something I enjoy doing in my spare time... in moderation. I do enjoy putting my ideas to life, but not so much that I'd want to do it on a daily basis. And not really for other people.... too me, decorating is a personal taste kind of thing.

I can play piano and harmonica, but I'm not very good.

I have written well over 500 poems and have gotten some poetry published.... although I don't enjoy English/language, the words used to come easy.... I always thought I'd publish my very own book of poetry, but after looking through my poems, many of them were written about my personal life and thoughts.... who in the would would be interested in that?!?!

I write this blog.... its okay. Although it would definitely be better if people would actually read, comment, and share it! It's not something that I really enjoy, just a way for me to put my thoughts out there.... I guess my thoughts aren't really important to most people!

I own my own biz and while I love the awesome products and I love helping people, but I don't enjoy sales all that much! I do get satisfaction from helping to provide for my family with my own home business.

I can run a hobby farm... raising chickens, milking goats, bailing hay.... I've done it all.

I'm a momma to 3 beautiful kids, and while I love them more than words can say, I don't find being a mom an enjoyment. 

I am an introvert. I enjoy being alone, but I also enjoy a little attention now and then....

I love spending time at home on our little piece of heaven! My home is my happy place - a place that I can shut the outside world out and just be me. 

I volunteer as a Crisis Counselor at a local pregnancy center.... something I do to give back.

 I love antiques and abandoned places. I have quite a few antiques and since we practice a cozy minimalist approach to life - we try to keep life simple, limit the things we bring into our home, and not to keep things we don't love or need.

In the past, I have....

• Been a bank teller which I did enjoy..... although working in a restricted place with set hours would be extremely hard for me to do day in and day out. I enjoy the freedom of setting my own hours with my home business.

• Worked at a cemetery. It was peaceful and relaxing.... funerals make you ponder life.

• Been a secretary.

• Baked bread in a bakery.

• Planted and harvested crops at a produce farm.

• Worked as a hostess in a restaurant.

• Drove a truck hauling 63 ft. wedge trailers - driving truck was something I did with my ex-husband. Our monthly load was to Long Island, New York.... driving through the Bronx was always a trip, but overall, I loved it!

• Worked at a greenhouse. I loved the smell of the greenhouse, the warmth of the sun, the beautiful flowers... my love for floral arrangements and plants is from a direct result of that job.

• Taught at a Christian school, and while I loved the staff, teaching was a job out of necessity, not something I loved, but rather something to pay the bills.

... all good jobs, but not really what I want to do with my life.

Why is it some people in life have a calling... they know exactly what they want to do. Others have something that they really excel at.... they are so good at what they do, it just comes natural....

Why is it that I'm good at a lot of things, but not good enough at one thing to make it work???

I've never been very consistent in my life.... I guess you could say being married to the same man for 10+ years is an accomplishment in my life.... but that's probably got more to do with him being the most wonderful, loving, romantic and respectable man in the world, than it has to do with me accomplishing anything! 

I'm not sure that I'll ever figure out, what the meaning of my life is.... or what I want to be "when I grow up".... ha ha!!!

I just know that, I want to be, and do, more than what I am now....

I think my ideal life would be to travel, sing, and photograph my family and nature.... now if I could only make that a reality with a big hunkin' paycheck to go along with that.... any ideas?

*did I mention I love simple things... drama stresses me out.... simple is good always