My Dad And I

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I've never had a close relationship with my dad, but I have great memories of being a kid ... going to auctions with dad or to the sale barn (we often came home with a little calf, lamb or piglet), him taking us to the zoo, getting ice cream cones, Sunday afternoon drives, family bike rides, and traveling - he always liked to drive at night and would let me come up to the front of the van to play the car game with him.

Life was good as a kid... but as a tween, that all changed.... Dad and Mom took me away from the friends and family and church that was my whole life. I rebelled in a big way, I even ran away from home. They moved out of state.... and I made some questionable choices. I was no longer welcomed at family gatherings and was pretty much the black sheep of the family..... over the years we just drifted apart. 

Since my kids have been born, my dad has been a wonderful Grandpa and I am once again a part of the family, but our relationship has been somewhat tense, and conversations were mostly nonexistent or more simple, talking about the weather, his latest project or my kids.

Last week we found out that my dad has a brain tumor. I feel like my dad having a tumor is a blessing to me, because for the first time since I was a kid, I feel like I have a dad again! The last week, spending time with him in the hospital or driving to doctors appointments has been really special to me. For the first time in my adult life, I feel close to my dad and I feel like he's not judging me or disappointed in me. 

We have had so many good conversations.... just talking about everything...  serious stuff, stories of his life growing up, things that he wants to happen when he's gone, funny stories, places he's been, jobs he's had, things he enjoyed in life...  just random conversations that are honest and not strained at all.

It feels really good to be able to talk to him and actually feel like there's something there, like he is my dad, and he does love me in his own way. He's talking to me, like he wants to be with me and that makes me want to be with him more. 

I don't know what our relationship will be like after he wakes up from his brain surgery today, but for I'm thankful that God gave me the chance to make some great memories and feel close to my dad... I needed that more than I knew I did and I will always cherish that time and feeling.

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