1st Day of School

Another year school has begun. And just like all the other moms, I take 1st day of school year pictures.

But here's the thing.... it's always sad for me. Not in the "Aw, they're growing up" or "I can't believe how fast time goes" or "I can't believe my kids are in (insert grade level) grade" kind of way.  But rather I'm sad, because to me it's a reminder that although I should have a seventh and fourth grader, after all these years, I still have a kindergarten and first grader. I'm sad because their future (especially my sons) looks so different than other kids. 

The older they get the harder it is to be excited about school or to post pictures about it or talk about it because I know that my kids are not normal.

When other moms are posting about how good their child's doing in school or how excited their son or daughter is to be going on to the next grade, or how many friends they have in their class, I have to hide my hurt because it's not that way for me.

My kids don't get to advance to other grade levels like other kids, they both struggle with reading, they're singled out and bullied because they go to the special ed rooms, they are both the biggest kids in all their classes and get made fun of because of their size regularly. 

My son has been at a kindergarten level for over seven years, but even though he's had all those years of trying to learn to read, different curriculum, and different people helping him, he still can't pass the first grade reading level.

Today, while all the other kids were sitting with the friends they've made at school and running into the gym excited to be back, and see and talk and sit with all their friends, I spent the time with my kids talking to the special ed teacher, making sure my son knew where to go and what to do, and explaining how his day would go. And by the time he left with his special ed teacher, my daughters class had already left without her... not one single kid or teacher offered to say hello or help her, so I had to walk her to class by herself and watch as all the kids turned to look at her when she entered the room. It was all she could do to hold back the tears, (she is usually a happy go lucky kid, but knowing she isn't like the other kids is hard for her) and it broke my momma heart.

Most days, while other moms drop off their 12 and 9 yr olds,  and go on about their day, my mornings are a bit different. I have to talk to the speech therapist, the special ed teacher, special ed coordinator, special ed aid, the resource room teacher, the counselor, my sons reading specalist, 2 different occupational therapists, and both of the homeroom teachers. We have to make a plan to alter their schedules, digital learning, related arts, library time, and my sons science class, but yet work around every one's schedule.

 My kids both have IEP's, and although they are different, (my son is off diploma track), pretty much everything about their school day has to be altered to help them, but in the end, makes them and their differences stand out even more.

So yes, today starts a new school year and I'll post their pictures on social media, and people will say good luck, they look cute, have a good year, etc., but deep down I'm hurting because it's not normal, but it's life.

My kids, my life, and even me myself are not normal.... but as the bulletin board in my sons self contained special ed class room says...... we all fit in!


Other related posts:

What parents with special needs kids want you to know

Kids with learning disabilities 

Putting our homeschooled kids in public school 

Helping my son