Before You Date My Daughter....

I have an 18 yr old daughter... she is beautiful inside and out, has a heart for people, thinks the best of everyone, and is talented. She can write, paint, sketch, play four musical instruments, has a beautiful voice, and loves animals. She is taking Graphic Design in college, and has a full time job. She is a soft, kind hearted young lady. And while she still lives at home and has a dad to look out for her, she's not all peaches and cream. She can hold her own pretty well, and has her own ideas, standards and reasoning.

But, when it comes to dating, she has seen some of the worst brought out in guys...

In the last few years, she has had six guys interested. Some have asked her to date, some have wanted to do everything but date. One lied to both her and her dad, one was 11+ yrs older than her and lived in another country, one didn't have his licence and wanted her to drive out of state to his house, one told her he needed space from her family before they even went on a date, one wanted to send her nude pictures, and one sent her good morning texts from his bed... They have all caused drama. (And most of them were raised in good Christian homes, and should have known better). 

As of today, she still has never been on a date. Not because she's too good for them, but rather, she has more respect for herself then they seem to have or show.

So, here are some suggestions if you want to date our daughter.... (not necessarily have to's, but it sure would be nice to have her be pursued by a trustworthy,  respectable, and caring young man...)

Have enough respect to ask her dad....

He isn't really looking forward to talking with you either, as it's his 'little' girl, but he needs to talk to you. Its ok if you're nervous or fumble your words, he was in your place once too... Don't send him a text. Call him and set up a time to meet and have a conversation face to face.

Tell him what is it about our daughter that made you want to spend time with her. What part does God have in your life? What do you do for fun? Where do you work? Where you see yourself in a couple of years?

What are you two going to be doing for the date? 

 Tell him where/what you have in mind, and set a time to arrive back home. 11:30 means 11:30. No exceptions. Give him your phone number. 

(PS. And seriously, don't text our daughter and ask her for her dads number or tell her you want to date her before you ask her dad. That's just cheating the system. Be a man and do your own homework.)

Make a formal, in-person invitation. Call her if you have to, but take the highest form of communication. Don’t be a coward and text it. Don’t post it on Facebook. Ask privately. Ask clearly. ....And by the way, don’t just ask her to “hang out" -that's not a date.

Make her feel special. Don't ask her to drive to meet you somewhere. You need to drive and pick her up. Bring her some flowers, or a long stemmed rose, or don't. Meet her parents. Show some class.

Go somewhere. Do something. Take the initiative. Don’t ask, “What do you want to do?” Even if she doesn’t love what you decide to do, she will love the fact that you showed initiative and planning.

Always, always open the door for her... the car door, the door to the building... hold it open and let her go first. (My husband still opens the car door for me after 15 years together!)

You should pay. Even if she has more money. Even if she insists. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Part of your calling as a man is to provide. Provide what you have, not what you don’t have. Don't ever bring up the subject of how much money you do or don't have for the date. If you want to date her, she is worth it.

Ask her questions about herself. Make her feel special by getting to know her. What made her the person she is now? Where does she hope to be in a few years? Share about yourself, too.

Spend time with both sets of parents. We want the best for both of you. You aren't just getting to know our daughter, your getting to know our whole family. If you’re avoiding us, you're hiding something.

Control the public displays of affection and in private too. Have standards. Have boundaries. Don't make it physical. Take your time and enjoy the little things. Deliberately seek to socialize together or serve together in groups. Limit alone time and keep accountable to someone for the time you are together. The future will take care of itself.

Show my daughter the respect she deserves. She’s been taught to treat you the same. Be willing to watch out for our daughter’s well being. Be responsible. Look out for her best interests. Protect her. Always keep the door open.

 Have some self-control and modesty toward her. If you have feelings of affection or attraction, take some time before you reveal them. Don't tell her you “like” her and put the ball in her court, if you've only been on a few dates. When you do tell... do it in a tactful and meaningful way.

 Don’t go back and give the play-by-play to your friends. Have some self-control. This isn’t junior high school. (But as the mom of said daughter... I'm dying over here wanting to know what you thought about the date!!! Haha!)

Date with Jesus, not Cupid in mind. Ask her out for coffee to get to know her. Dating is supposed to be fun! A first date should give her butterfly's.... it should be exciting and she should simply be treated with respect and admiration... 

But at the end of the day, don't string her along if all you're wanting is a good time. Dating is about getting to know each other.... can you see yourself marrying her? Can you both serve God together? Have fun, but date with a purpose.

"A real man, the kind of man a woman wants to give her life to, is one who will respect her dignity, who will honor her like the valuable treasures she is. A real man will cherish and care for that precious prize forever."