Viewings and Visitation Lines

I absolutely hate the visitation line at viewings and funerals. No matter which side of the line I'm on.

I hate standing there next to a deceased loved one for hours at a time. The loved one is gone, its just an empty shell (if you know anything at all about embalming/autopsies, you know that the body has been so mangled, glued, wired, sewn, painted, etc, its really not the same person at all.)

I hate trying to come up with small talk with people, or trying to comfort them when I can’t even comfort myself.

I hate having to endure people I barely know trying to “solve” my grief, as if some saying or cliché can take away the pain.

I hate the awkward things people say, like, "oh, doesn't he/she look so good!" Excuse me. You don't look good when you're dead.... you just don't. (This is one of the reasons that I will not have a veiwing, an open casket, or a traditional funeral when its my time to go.)

And most of all, I hate the cheap casket-side theology that comes out of people’s mouths.

Who in the world thought it was a good idea to put a grieving family three feet from their dead loved one and force them to publicly grieve while a line of 'mostly' strangers walk by them for hours at a time.

Seriously, at my Dads veiwing all I felt like I said all night was "I'm Rhoda, I'm the middle kid". The visitation went from 1pm - 10pm with a small break for supper.

I don’t want to be social when I'm grieving. I don’t want to be forced to stand in line while a bunch of people—whether I know them or not—come by and say things to me. Even if they’re saying good things.

I would rather grieve on my own or with the people with whom I choose to grieve, at a time of my choosing. 

If you love me and my family, you’ll come by and say weird things to me later. You’ll bring me a meal. You’ll pray for me at church. You'll send me some flowers... or chocolate. 

But for goodness sake, we’ve got to stop making three feet from a dead body the central location for this kind of “compassion.” -Because it’s not compassion for the grieving family—it’s torture. As if the family isn’t going through enough, (let alone a family where there's a whole lot of drama going on and they're barely speaking to each other) and now we’re going to torture them for hours?

Yes, I understand that no one is physically forced to stand in a visitation line. But there is often social, customary, traditional, or family pressure to stand in that line.

For my Dads veiwing, I felt like it would be rude of me to refuse to stand in line, -so for some of us, we feel like we are backed into a corner with no way out. 

Just between you and I, my Dad wouldn't have cared, he told me before he died that if it was up to him, he wouldn't even have a veiwing or funeral. He said he "never much cared for them at all."

If you are a traditionalist and feel like you need to have a traditional veiwing, I suggest that you forget the visitation line and let each family member choose a spot to stand in the room.... that way people can find the individual that they know and came to give their condolences to. By not having a visitation line, you aren't made to speak to every person in a line. You can go hide, engage, cut the conversation short, sit down, go get something to eat, and cry on a shoulder all in your own timing and with whomever you wanted.

It's time we as a society rethink this whole idea of publicly grieving with a veiwing line.