SRKindredSpirits

Our oldest daughter moved out this month.... it really wasn't a surprise, I knew it was coming, and although I wanted her to wait for another few more months, I think deep down, I knew it was time. She is 19, has a full-time job at a busy Vet hospital, is enrolled in college, currently working towards a graphic design degree. She graduated school 2 years early, is a hard worker, a good employee, and managed to save a good sized nest egg. She has always paid for her own phone, insurance, and paid cash for her car, - and she did it all on her own.... she never got an allowance and we didn't spoil her with money or things. She worked hard to get where she is..... I'm proud of her.... And although I think I knew it was time she spread her own wings.... I had a tangled up mess of emotions. Somedays I would cry over everything. Somedays I was sad.... it was almost like all my dreams and plans that she and I had for years had died and were being buried. Sometimes I was angry..

My dad was diagnosed as having Glioblastoma in September 2020. It is the fastest growing brain tumor there is.  Its hard to watch the dad I knew get weaker and weaker, but at the same time it has given us time to be together, time to talk, time to laugh, time to cry together, and time just to be.  He has told me more about his childhood, his teen years, his work, his marriage, church issues, and life decisions than I never dreamed of knowing. We have talked about our past relationship (or lack of it), our reasoning at the time, and what we wish we'd have done different. We have talked about Heaven and God and the Bible. We have talked about my cancer, my kids, my marriage, my life, and about dying.  We have shared secrets, some may be told after he's gone, but most of them I'll keep to myself and hold close to my heart....  We have our own little jokes about mom or my siblings or just people in general! Dad has a great sense of humor through all this and he makes me laugh!

There is always one day that is simply emotionally confusing for me and that is:  The Ex-Anniversary Date Twenty years have passed since the day I stood with my first husband Jim, in the basement of a courthouse in Athens, Georgia and said my wedding vows. And even though we’re divorced… and Jan 8th will come and go WITHOUT a 20th wedding anniversary… I will still celebrate it. I do every year. Our Wedding Day - Jan 8, 2001 I will celebrate the good memories, and the life we created while we were happy together. Because… there were a lot of good times. I will reflect on the sad time, the dashed hope's and dreams, the words left unsaid. And I'll wonder about the what- ifs.... it's all part of our story. Circumstances can never change the past. The only thing we can do is grow ourselves to change our view of the past. For me, this date is a reminder of my/our story. I have accepted the fact that I have no clue how to feel on this day. You'd think