Birth Father vs. Adoptive Father

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My daughter has two fathers... One gave her life. One has been in her life. Both are a part of her.

Her birth father had a hard life... but I do believe that he truly did and does love her. He was around for her first three years, loved being silly, and playing with her... he was a great dad.

Her daddy came into her life when she was three years old, and has been a constant... always there for her. He adopted her when she was five and is her dad in every way. He taught her to ride a bike, to drive a car, and to stand up for herself. He was there for all the big things, and all the little things in life... teaching, loving, disciplining, celebrating, caring, and doing all the things a dad does... He is dad, in every sense of the word.

Faith with her dad.....

We never hid the adoption from our daughter. She grew up knowing the truth. We talked about her birth family, but they were distant throughout her growing up years. She recently started talking to and seeing her birth side of the family. She met her Grandpa this summer and loves him!

with her birth father....

It's hard for my hubby to stand by after all these years and watch her enjoy her birth family. He wants to protect her. To keep her safe. I think he feels he is losing his daughter.

As the woman between the two men, my heart aches. I feel that I took a child away from one man and now feel I'm taking her away from the other man. I love them both. I feel anything I say or do, will hurt one of them, and although my alliance lies with my hubby, I care deeply for both. Being in the middle is not always a good place to be.

In my mind all I want is for us all to get along, for my daughter to have her dad, but also for her birth father (my ex husband) to also be a part of our life.... why can't we just be a big happy family. How does one make thier hubby and ex hubby become good friends? Or at least get together a few times a year for a family meal?

It's not all bad, my daughter has a happy home with a dad and momma that loves her, but I wish I could take all the emotional hurt, the questions, and the wondering away. 

And if i had to do it all over again, I would - having her is worth it all. I have a beautiful, caring, daughter, and a wonderful loving hubby, and really -when it comes down to it, I still have a good friend in my ex husband.... 

So, while I carry an ache in my heart - that no one can understand....

I'm still incredibly thankful -thankful that I have had the chance to love two men and that both men love my daughter in their own way.... and that when her birth father couldn't be there for her and provide... that my hubby stepped in, adopted her, and loves, and provides for her, and is there for her every single day.

Sometimes I think absent birth dads are given a bad rep, but at the same time I think men (like my hubby) who step up and take on the responsibility of dad are given much too little credit, also.

I think we need to let them know that they are both important, and even though we don't always understand why, God has a plan for both of them and a reason for my daughter to have these two men in her life.

One is her birth father. One is her dad. 

Comments

  1. UnknownJuly 3, 2018 at 10:46 PM

    I love how vulnerable you are with this post. I appreciate getting to know you better and understand a bit more of your day to day life through your posts. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. MarmeeAugust 8, 2018 at 10:47 AM

    Beautifully said😊

    ReplyDelete

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