What Introverts Want You To Know.... and it might not be what you think

For those of you who don't know, my daughter, Faith is an amazing writer and is extremely gifted at putting her words down on paper.... so she's guest posting on the blog today. 

I love taking personality tests and seeing how people are different by their own types. I am an introvert and extrovert myself and agree completely with 1 and 2. However, number 5 is completely not me... isn't it interesting how God made each of us uniquely different?

Here's what Faith has to say about what introverts want us to know....

As an introvert myself, I really value my alone time. It’s a time to unwind, be myself, and do stupid things without having to worry if anyone’s watching. It’s my “happy place”, my recharge, and I depend on it to get me through life’s hectic situations. Sure, I like spending time with friends, going shopping, and eating out, but honestly, I like my solitude even more. When I try to explain this to certain people, they often don’t get it. They view me as antisocial, stuck up, or just plain boring. But can I just tell you that this is simply not the case? I can have fun, I can definitely be bossy, and you’d better believe I can talk your ear off if I feel like it.  

So what’s the deal then? Below, are a few things to hopefully bring a better understanding to why some of us introverts do what we do. Like, why are we so quiet in group conversations? (and no, it’s not always because we’re shy…)  

1. We hate small talk. Discussions like “How are you doing?”, “Any plans for the weekend?”, and “Awful weather we’ve been having, huh…”, are all just empty questions, to me at least. To be put simply, who cares? Most of the time, the only reason we talk about those things is solely for the sake of small talk. Do you really want to know how I’m doing, or are you asking me just to ask? How am I even supposed to answer that question? “Good” or “Okay” is just… not a satisfying answer. I know it’s only polite, but if I’m going to talk about something, I want it to be worth talking about. Not to mention, small talk can be incredibly awkward when you’ve ran out of things to say. Bottom line: engaging in mindless chitchat has never appealed to me, nor will it ever. So here’s a motto I live by: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” 

2. People annoy us. Now, I like people, really I do… just in small doses. We were designed to be social creatures, after all. Without each other, life would get pretty lonely. With that said, however; people are just annoying. They gossip, lie, nag, and brag, among a countless list of other things. For introverts, sometimes we just need a break from all the chaos, and a nice, calming retreat back into our little caves of serenity. Which brings me to my next point:  

3. We need our solitude. In fact, a lack of it can affect us emotionally and even physically. As deep thinkers and detail-orienteers, we’re very prone to stress. Something as simple as going to a holiday party can wear us out, leaving us in need of a good recharge the next day. It’s not that we don’t like them every now and then, it’s that we can’t handle the stress, or rather, the excitement of them. Keep in mind, though, that while this is all true, I, as well as the majority of people, still love having a good time. It just may be slightly different from your idea of a good time. Many of us are perfectly content with a mug of tea and a good book, while others prefer a light jog, or even a night out with a few friends… fun is whatever you choose to make of it. Don’t assume that we’re all depressed psychopaths living under a rock just because we don’t always show up to parties.  

4. Skepticism. Now, we’ve probably all been here… we meet this cool person, get pretty close -we’ve broken that secret barrier, shared a few embarrassing stories -mutual trust is in full bloom, at least where we’re concerned. And then, it happens. We begin to talk a little less, weekly coffee dates become once-a-month life updates… before we know it, we’re not even friends anymore. We think to ourselves, “Why did I waste all that time?” Relationships take work, commitment, and sacrifice, in both small and big ways. When one person doesn’t carry their weight, the whole thing can fall apart faster than we even realize. Worse, there can be betrayal, which can lead to much more than just a lousy friendship length. So when we meet someone new, or begin a new relationship, a common, very legitimate thought that comes to our mind is along the lines of “What do they want from me?” Do they just want another addition to their social circle, or are they genuinely interested in me? It’s easier and much less stressful for us to just not find out. Which is one of the reasons why it’s so hard for us to make friends, or be sociable in general. We don’t know where it will lead, and we don’t want to go through potential embarrassment or hurt again.  

5. We hightail from conflict for as long as we can. This really goes hand-in-hand with number 3. Disagreements, arguments, quarrels, call them what you will -they’re all forms of conflict and we hate them. We’d rather keep quiet about our opinions, than open our mouths to oppose another person. That just creates friction, and we can’t do friction, period. It’s uncomfortable and, at often times, not worth it. Do we still have our boiling points? Oh-ho, yes. Unlike extroverts, who like to let everyone know exactly how they’re feeling straight away, we try to bottle things up for as long as we can. When it comes to anger, I like to think of extroverts’ as a constant flame of fire, whereas introverts’, a firecracker that comes out of nowhere and slaps you across the face. As soon as we’ve reached our limit, believe me, you’ll know.  

6. Being an introvert is extremely freeing. Sure, you still have your job, your family, your bills, and laundry to keep on top of, but you have so much more time to yourself. So why wouldn’t we want to stay in our little circles? This is judgment-free zone right here. Want to learn yoga? Go for it. Want to eat a whole bag of chocolates? No one’s stopping you. Want to stay in bed and watch Netflix all day? Me too, let’s do it. Just as long as we remember not to overdo it… which is very easy to do. If I’m not careful, sometimes my “solitude attitude” can take over, and I get stuck in a rut of not saying anything unless it’s necessary, and staying in my room all day. Although solitude brings me comfort, it’s not always what I need. Like all good things in life, too much of one can be a bad thing. 

So there you have it. Tell me what you think in the comments, and feel free to share any other introvert quirks you might think of! If something you read resonates with you or someone you know, be sure to share this post.