Loving Your Spouse

It's easy to love your spouse when everything is going smooth, and you feel deep in love. But do you love your Spouse in the middle of a disagreement, or when there's conflict, and you think, how did we get here? What happened?

My husband and I had our first big, and only major blow-up argument about one month after we got married, which ended in one of us calling the other a name, and not speaking to each other for 3 days straight... (which is not a good thing when you are remodeling your house and end up with a bathroom floor that neither of you like, but were both too stubborn to tell each other!) Looking back, our argument was really stupid and was over a piece of mail. It all happened because instead of talking to each other about what we expected from each other, we assumed the other person would just know. 

Let me insert here, the first 6 months of married life was hard for us... (We were two very independent ppl with homes of our own, and used to doing our own thing!) ...and it was full of giving, taking, and learning to communicate, and sharing a home, and life, with each other. For example: 

• He thought I should ask before driving his car. I thought since we were married it didn't matter if I drove his car if he wasn't driving it. 

• I thought he would give me a certain amount of money for groceries or for gas. He thought that since we were married I would just get whatever amount of money out of the bank whenever I needed it. 

Hehe!! We both had days we wished we wouldn't have gotten married. But thankfully, that was short lived!

Since then, we have had small disagreements, sometimes with tears, or raising our voices, or needing to take a time out, but we have never called each other a name or went without speaking to each other.

A few months ago, we had a disagreement over a particular situation and how each other viewed it. And without going into a lot of detail, I was unknowingly hurting my hubby by some thing's I had said, and done, and feel. And when he confronted me about it, I felt like he didn't understand where I was coming from. I felt like he was accusing me of hurting him on purpose, and I wondered, could the last 13+ years that we shared a life together not mean anything? Did he not know by now how much I love him? Could we get over this? How do we get through this if we both feel we are right? Why can't he understand my how I feel?

To make a long story short, I ended up leaving... I felt the house was closing in on me, and I just needed time to think. I didn't know what else to say, and I didn't want to face him, when he got home from work.... so I text him to tell him I was leaving and started driving. I love to drive. And while I was driving, I was playing it out, over and over in my mind... going over what he said, what I said, and what might happen to us if we couldn't get past this? I found myself about 2 hours north from home, when the thought hit me.... why was I driving away from him? I just wanted him to hold me in his arms. I wanted to know that he still loved me. I wanted him to know that I still loved him. I needed him. 

I text him, to tell him where I was at, and that I was coming back home. That 2 hr drive back home took forever. When I got home, my hubby was making the kids supper. I went to our room to hang up my jacket and my hubby came in and wrapped his arms around me and gave me grace! It makes you feel so absolutely, totally, and fully loved, when the person who feels you were in the wrong, holds you and tells you over and over how much he loves you. 

We stood there and held each other, cried, and explained why we felt the way we did, how we felt about the other, and how we could move forward. There was no yelling, no bitterness, just love, grace, and understanding. You see the thing is, we were both somewhat in the right and we were both somewhat in the wrong. And when it comes down to it... we are both on the same team. We love each other and we don't want to see each other hurting.

Not much has changed about that particular situation -it's something we'll have to figure for a long time to come, and we still don't agree on everything from that situation, but that day, was a big turning point in my life. 

Now, when we have little differences, I find myself running towards him, wanting to make up (not because I'm in the wrong or because I don't like conflict, but because I need his love -especially in the middle of a disagreement), remembering that I love him, and that our differences are just that, a difference, and has nothing to do with him, or myself, or our marriage, or the love that we have for each other.

You see, loving your spouse, even in the middle of a disagreement, and not just saying you love them, but actually talking to them, holding them, and really truly loving them in the middle of your argument, giving them grace, is what loving your spouse is all about!

...and, I'm still a work in progress!